Life Gave Me Lemons, so I Took Half the Furniture

Everybody has their own version of a horrible break up story. Unfortunately, many of us have experienced being lied too, cheated on, taken advantage of, and even emotional or physical abuse in a relationship. We’ve all been exposed to the countless horror stories that cut like a knife from either our own experiences or those of someone we know. I’m not trying to one-up anybody here, but I’m pretty sure my horrible break up story is worse than your co-workers, friends, cousin, Amanda’s. Let’s just say that life gave me lemons, and I couldn’t make lemonade without asking for permission first.

Life Gave me lemons. Being stuck in a horrible relationship can leave a sour taste in your mouth.

Fresh out of my marriage, I thought I was finally on the greener side of the grass. Little did I know, that the grass on the other side wasn’t exactly green. If I had looked really closely, I would have seen a bunch of tiny narcissists with selfie sticks, swinging from blade to blade-like little asshole monkeys in a rain forest of lies. Since my natural inclination is to automatically see the good in people, my naive and extremely vulnerable self jumped right into a relationship that was pretty tumultuous from the start. I really should have been able to see the events that transpired coming from a mile away, based on the sheer fact that I was dealing with a man who validated his self worth in selfies and conquests that mostly consisted of women who wrote jokes on the internet, in 140 characters or less. Being the hopeless romantic that I am, I truly believed that I was the exception and that the outcome for me would be different (Let’s all just take a minute to roll our eyes together).

Ignoring all the red flags that were basically punching me in the face as if I were the underdog in a match-up against Conor McGregor, I proceeded to not only let him into my life but actively pursue. The force of someone who possesses a manipulative personality is something you can only truly understand if you’ve experienced it first hand. Before you can even question your own actions, you are just a shell of yourself being jerked around by invisible puppet strings like a helpless marionette. Some flags stand out more than others, but here is a list of just some of the red flags that I shouldn’t have ignored. Ladies, take note:

  1. When a man posts more selfies than your 14-year-old niece who just discovered Snapchat, red flag.
  2. When a man still has a girlfriend when you meet him and he tells you he’s breaking it off with her for you and it takes him 3 months or more to do so, multiple red flags.
  3. When he describes all the women from his past as “crazy”, and blames them for everything that went wrong in their relationship, red flag.
  4. When a man won’t acknowledge or add you to his social media pages after a year of dating, MAJOR red flag.
  5. When he cries at a dancing 3 legged dog on America’s Got Talent, get off the couch immediately and head to your nearest women’s shelter!

Under a spell of infatuation and the potential that things would improve, I began to settle into a lifestyle that was both comfortable and desirable not only myself but the outside world. Completely engulfed in co-habitative bliss, the sweet outweighed the sour in a lot of ways. Saturday mornings spent at the local farmers market, long romantic walks through the aisles of HomeSense and NASCAR Sundays curled up on the couch that took months to pick out. I always held on to the fact that this person really understood who I was and he knew how to make me happy. Our mutual love for fine wine and Turkish cotton towels were always the good that came with the bad.  In my la la land of dodging flags and making mason jar salads, I became quite good at justifying his belittling and disrespectful actions towards not only myself but to my undeserving family and friends. Making excuses for someone else’s behaviour became my full-time job. Where is HR when you need them?

A woman’s intuition is a powerful thing but we never seem to listen to it as much as we should. The feeling in your gut that someone is taking you for granted and projecting their own insecurities onto you to make you feel less than, isn’t something we should ever take laying down. In my case, I was laying down in a king-sized mattress on the floor surrounded by goose down pillows with someone who claimed to love me unconditionally but still felt the need to slip into any thirsty woman’s DM’s. As I got ready to leave on a much-needed girls trip to Naples, Florida, I had the rude awakening that my partner in crime had actually turned into my probation officer. Making me feel horrible on a regular basis for treating myself was one of his favourite ways to deflect from the underlying truth at hand.

A lemon by most people’s definition is bitter, sour, and at times, even a little bit sweet. As a woman, my natural instinct when life hands me a dilapidated lemon is to bring it back to life by being an overly nurturing doormat (apparently). Funny that a person who gave themselves the nickname of a detoxifying fruit, would also be the person who could benefit from said detox the most. Not ever having a substance abuse problem personally, it was hard for me to understand the need to blackout my emotions on a fairly regular basis, but as I watched one of my decorative planters being thrown off the balcony of our apartment and into the side of a van in a drunken, unnecessary rage, I realized that my lemon wasn’t only sour, it was completely rotted from the inside out.

Surprisingly, the choice to leave wasn’t my own, my lemon ultimately sought out greener pastures which by his definition, meant the town “lush”.  As I crammed as much as I could from my lakefront condo into the back of my 2 door hatchback, which included the rug that was ripped out from under me, half the furniture and a set of mason jars that were clearly replaceable that I purely took out of spite, I felt gutted, mostly to be leaving behind my access to the 5th-floor gym.

As I tried to piece together the remnants of what was left of my self-esteem, the whole situation, unfortunately, took a turn for the worse when shit started hitting the fan like a grotesque murder scene out of a Quinton Tarantino movie. Having a gut feeling versus knowing the cold hard facts, unfortunately, doesn’t change the outcome of your emotional state, but it does make you feel less like a crazy person.

My validation came when I received a message from a woman scorned in a neighbouring province. Radiating venom in flames of desperation and malice, her words were the ones that would finally make sense of it all. All the pieces immediately fell into place with each exposed lie and the weight of all my self-doubt was lifted from my betrayed shoulders. With every gruesome detail coming to light, including a charming little anecdote that he took both one of his mistresses and myself to the same Blue Jays game, sneaking back and forth between innings (talk about a 7th inning stretch, imma-right?!), I felt the overwhelming need for protection and security, which unfortunately meant cutting ties with the people whom now represented a past life I’d sooner like to forget.

As each story started to surface from the bottom of the acidic sinkhole that was his own grave he had dug, I made the choice to take the high road…straight to my therapist. After an hour and a half of “can you fucking believe him?” revelations and coming to terms with the idea of dating again with newly developed harbouring trust issues (which lucky for me, happen to be trending right now), I spent the next year basically trying to recreate my own version of Julia Robert’s Eat Pray Love voyage. Running from my feelings while sipping airplane bottled wine in the emergency exit row, I was able to completely divulge myself in international selfishness. Spending much needed time with family on the west coast, doing yoga with the purest souls in Tulum, being able to wonder at the sheer beauty of Athena Nike’s much-deserved temple in ancient Greece, and even feeding giraffes while sipping Cab Sauv in sunny California, was really the only therapy that I needed. Not to mention, the drool-worthy Instagram photos that were revenge enough all on their own.

I’m not really sure how you ever get over a traumatic event of betrayed trust and being yelled at in public because clearly, I still have moments that I relive again and again in my mind, but just to know that my female intuition had been right the whole time, was pretty healing in itself.

I lost a lot more than just a cat and a set of Egyptian Cotton sheets from this experience, but I can safely say that what I gained from it was far more relevant. The life he provided felt priceless at times, but it ultimately came at a cost. Lemons may be a vibrant and refreshing fruit, but after being saturated in Vodka waters at the local dive bar week after week, they start to become pretty transparent. I don’t know if I believe in karma, but I do think that what you put out comes back. If that’s the case, I hope I have a front-row seat…in first class.

Signing off from Naples, Florida ✈️👍🏼

xo

Copy of Copy of Natasha


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20 Comments Add yours

  1. Me says:

    I love this post. Knowing you, and more so, him and his history, I was hopeful that you were the one. From the outside looking in, it was the perfect relationship.
    You’re strong, Nat… and you’re doing awesome. Keep on keepin on. 💙

  2. artbrymer says:

    A well-written piece of necessary soul searching with insightful parallels. Keep fighting the good fight.

  3. Mom says:

    You are one of the smartest women I know and this has made you so strong xxx your gut will never lie to you …. you have always had amazing foresight remember as a child you always knew what was dangerous… that’s when you would listen to your logic not your heart ❤️ your old soul served you well the first 18 years of life just go back to taking care of your it again and life will be an adventure with a little caution tape wrapped around you 😉
    Love always mom

  4. Desiree says:

    💕

  5. Me says:

    When I first found this almost a year ago I should have recognized all the same red flags I was reading. But of course he said it’s all lies look at how everyone took his side and not yours, so I was naive and trusting and believed him. Like you I thought I was the one who would change him. Things would be different with me. But they weren’t. We were never the issue. The common denominator was not us it’s him.

    1. Thank you for reading my story, and for stepping forward with this comment. I’m deeply sorry that you had to experience his manipulation and extreme narcissism the same way so many of us did. But once you realize that you’re not the problem, you start to see things so much clearer. Feel free to reach out if you ever need to chat. I found it helpful to talk about what I went through❤️

  6. KC says:

    So many women are coming forward and have been manipulated by this psychopath, Casanova narcissist. He sleeps with married women in your hometown and also flys them in. He hooks up with many women locally. He has unprotected sex with all of them.
    You can’t fix him, you’re not the exception, and the future he promises (marriage and that baby) is never going to happen. He’s never going to get help.

    1. None of us are “special”. He’s just a special kind of sociopath. Thanks for your comment, you are 100% correct. ❤️

  7. One of the Girls says:

    When I first read this post, I thought my back story was worse. He had me believing this was just an overly embellished story to get back at him. Until I recently realized I was living almost the same story, along side at least 7 other women. And, you were right, was worse than I had ever imagined. He was trying to have a baby with one, playing house with another, talking marriage to others… I should have listened to the red flags. But I didn’t, and now I’m devastated, picking up the pieces of my shattered heart. He blamed all his poor actions on his exes. I’m sorry I ever thought you were a horrible person…thank you for sharing your story.

  8. She’s just a friend says:

    If you’ve found yourself on this blog by googling him or if he’s still telling new supply (that’s you) about it, I’m very sorry.
    A woman went through his phone (gasp!) and found all the women (plural) that he was dating, fucking or stringing along in various stages of hoovering, love bombing or grooming. He promised a future to all of them, told them they were the only one and manipulated them. The man is a predator. He seeks out women mostly on social media and dating sites (he loves bumble, less rejection with the woman making the first move).
    He will make himself the victim, tell you all his exes were crazy. He will use triangulation with you and any ex or women you suspect he’s with. He will find out your vulnerabilities and insecurities to use against you. He will verbally abuse you. He will fly off the handle with his temper, at you or anyone around you. He will leave you bruised. He will intensely look you in the eye and then close his eyes, shake his head and look away. This means he is lying. In fact, mostly everything that comes out of his mouth is a lie. He will entrap you with his superficial charm and “mamas boy” ploys; before you know it, you’re so entwined in a trauma bond that you’re drowning.
    All the women that he says are “just friends” are never “just friends”. He has had sex (most likely, unprotected) with all of them; even the married ones. He will turn his phone notifications off while with you, so you don’t notice, or turn his phone face down.
    He will not “post” you on his instagram (not a story with a tag, a post). He has an incredible talent to make you feel like he is “the one” and that the connection you have with him is real. He can also sell ice to eskimos; he’s that convincing in his lies. He always has more than a couple women that’s he’s dating/fucking at the same time, although claims to be monogamous. If he’s told you that he got caught and he’s “changed”, that’s a lie too.
    Natasha wrote this blog in 2018 and 4 years later, he’s still doing the EXACT same things. He made her out to be crazy and vindictive, playing the victim. All those mutual friends that he said took his side? They’ve all left him now because he is such a slimeball.
    Do not fall for it, and if you have, please try to get out of it. The truth will come one day and it will rock you to your core.
    Your love can’t heal him. He doesn’t want to stop, even if he says he’s getting help or going to AA, it’s all lies. Do not give him the benefit of the doubt.
    I wish you well on your journey.

  9. Long Game says:

    He pursued me for years on instagram, copying my temperature posts so much that I muted him. It wasn’t until he used triangulation with an ex of his, that he really got his foot in the door. Our relationship was very plutonic for months and I let my guard down enough to give him my cell number the day his ex wife passed away. As I got to know him, I couldn’t understand the warnings I received about him. He seemed so kind, thoughtful, funny and incredibly sweet. He was always calling to check in and we would talk for hours. We were even talking one night when his neighbour asked if he was okay after a women was screaming his name in his building looking for him. Our chats escalated and I was already very vulnerable after a failed relationship. ( note how well he finds the vulnerable ones coming off break-ups and self esteem low). I talked to him so much throughout the day that he became a routine and the dopamine hits got me addicted even before I met him in person. It was so incredibly flattering how much attention he paid and how much he called. He told me I was his person and talked marriage. We talked about a future together and I wholeheartedly believed he was authentic. I believed every word like gospel because I had no reason not to. I worshipped him like a homecoming hero. I even made a book of his vocabulary (“lish”). Hundo.
    The red flags started to pop up when he would talk about his exes. He always had his phone face down and very guarded of it. He quelled my suspicions by offering me his passcode to his phone very early on in our relationship. It felt like he had nothing to hide and I went back to trusting him.
    Then things took a down turn in December. He picked fights a lot and would go mia for hours. Or his would say he was napping or going to LR or Big’s. He even said he was spending his birthday alone (lie, spent with a date after I bought him a cake and gave him money for supper)and went alone to a fancy restaurant (lie, spent it with a date).
    Things started to go south when I found out he was still hooking up with his ex (turns out it wasn’t his ex, but still gf) and another woman that he said was just a friend. He worked his magic though and I forgave him because he said he would end it.
    Fast forward to finding a note in some cookies from another woman (he told her he was working out of town) and then the revelation that he was dating two other women, having sex with 7-9 others and talking to several more on social media (ex hookups and FWB). He was having so much unprotected sex it was going raw.
    The truth was something just shy of a Netflix show and I’m still struggling to get my head around it. I didn’t “sign up for this”. The man is diabolical. The way he closely scheduled several women in a day (vacuuming his duvet in between women with different hair colours and a quick penis wash in his sink, hiding the gf pictures in his room)
    He gave two of us the same necklace for Christmas. He regifted some gifts to other women that he received from another woman. He referred to all his exes by profession or place.
    Lawyer, professor, the teacher, edibles, Fergus, heart surgeon, newfie. He loves to be the hero and saviour.. he will stick his neck out to rescue you and you will think he’s amazing, but it’s all an act. I didn’t know what a narcissist was until now.
    I fell in love with someone that wasn’t real, the whole thing was a made up persona and he mirrored me to suck me in. He got new glasses and said he was getting help with a counsellor and not drinking as much, but I fear it’s all a lie. It’s sad to walk away from someone that isn’t helping himself and wasting his life away. Having said that, I still have enough compassion to hope he doesn’t die alone, but it’s heading that way.
    To the new women he met on bumble this week, (may 8) hooligans, beach walk, mmmdonut drop off, bakery walk and bingo…. Good luck.. you’re already sharing him with uninformed consent.
    To the ones that go back to him after this, I hope you know you deserve better. The anxiety, triangulation, mood swings, walking on egg shells and his “lawyering”(yes or no!) condescending way of talking to you, sharing him with many many women, is not worth it. “True story or tall tale?”
    PS
    I named his fish and his emotional support alligator and I cleaned the hand prints off the wall behind his bed.. you’re welcome.

  10. It’s been done before says:

    The chairs on the beach with blue umbrella.. don’t think that’s original if he takes you there.
    The kisses on every beach “to remember the moment”. The floating dock at the marina..
    And he wears bracelets from women he dates.
    Sex in his work truck, the sauna, the pool, his balcony, in a car in his parking lot, the beach .. it’s all been done.

  11. SourLemonGang says:

    There are so many of you now I feel like you should form a club (The Sour Lemon Gang) and sell t-shirts for a nominal fee. Certainly raise awareness tat he (and others like him) are out there and very active.

  12. Another Ex says:

    The man doesn’t kiss well and he can’t find your clit
    His mother’s dusty ass son is not worth crying over

  13. Nunya Bidness says:

    As I’ve learned about this man and what he’s done/is doing the more I’ve felt heartache for those he’s hurt. Then I tried to figure out how he’s done it. Keeping up with all the intimate details of 7 women’s lives at once is quite astounding, I have trouble remembering my own schedule. But to remember birthdays, favorite colors, drinks, kids names and activities, parents names, favorite books and movies, silly stories from 6th grade; millions of details. It astounds me he was capable of this while being employed and drinking a quart of booze every day. Just think what this man could have accomplished if he’d used his brain power for something useful like curing cancer. What an absolute waste of space this guy is.

  14. Collective Efforts… says:

    Let me see if I can add some things that have not yet been said about him  All of the previous posts are absolutely true.  These posts do NOT come from “crazy” exes, as he will tell you.

    This man is a very sick and manipulating individual.  Extreme narcissist, pathological liar, sociopath, raging alcoholic, sex addict, gambling addict and is potentially in financial difficulty and asking friends to lend him money.  He gets much pleasure out of hurting people.  He is a predator.  
    He seeks out vulnerable women.  Women who are fresh out of a bad relationship, married, women who live out of province or town, widows, mentally unstable, anyone who has had tragedy in their lives or is going through a bad time.  He has no particular style, type or age range that he likes.  If you are vulnerable and have a heartbeat, you qualify.  Actually, I’m uncertain on the heartbeat.  It may not be a requirement.

    The manipulations of this individual are off of the charts.  The games he plays will literally have you questioning your own sanity.  Yet, you still want to make it work.  It is truly scary how much of a “pro” he really is.  

    This man cannot be alone for long, which is why he endeavors to have so many women on the go at one time.  He needs constant adoration and truly thinks he is better than everyone else.  He has different rules for himself, than he does for you.  He strives to keep you off-balance because it makes you an easier victim.  He will put you down, belittle you and say mean things (although with humor) to make himself feel more superior.  He will put you down even in happy times, especially around other people like your friends and family.  Your friends and family will not like him.

    He has a wicked temper and will fly off of the handle very quickly, yelling, berating, lawyering and being condescending towards you.  He does not take accountabilities for his actions and will turn it around to be your fault.  This isn’t to say he doesn’t apologize.  He actually does, it may even seem sincere with the tears (it is not), but it is just another manipulation tactic used to deflect, induce guilt or antagonize.  Be prepared for mood swings like you have never encountered.  He is VERY controlling.

    He blames everyone else for the way he is.  His Dad, his ex, it goes on and on.  He will tell you his super sob stories very early on.  He will play the victim so you feel sorry for him.  This is all part of the conditioning and grooming.  It’s just more manipulation.

    He thrives on drama and cannot live without it.  

    He lacks empathy and has a very large sense of entitlement.  He is incapable of feeling love and intimacy.

    When he has his TV exceptionally loud, he is afraid someone will show up at the door unannounced and hear another female’s voice.  This way he can say he didn’t hear the knocking and was sleeping when you attempted to message or call.

    He is unable to stay at other people’s houses longer than a few hours, because he can’t go that long without his shots of vodka.  He has shots before work and if you hear the freezer door in the middle of the night, more shots.  Speaking of work, he doesn’t work out-of-town, if he tells you that.  That is another cover to accommodate the out-of-province girls.  He sleeps at work, jerks off on the job, has sex in his work truck and spends most of the day on the phone with the many women in his life.

    He has never wanted kids, actually as a huge dislike for them, but will tell you he wants to co-parent your child or would be willing to have kids with you.

    In the beginning, he will be this person you can’t even imagine exists.  He is funny, charming, loving, says and does all of the perfect things.  He will send song lyrics and cute jokes to appear to be romantic and sensitive. This is his grooming stage.  Unfortunately, this is not real.  This isn’t even close to the person he becomes.  You then work even harder to have that guy you had in the beginning.  You work harder and harder to prove yourself to him but you will NEVER see that person again.  He will only get worse.   He will never communicate about what has changed and will always put off any conversations to address any evolving issues.  He will put you through constant tests.  He will give you breadcrumbs of praise to keep you there and to make you try even harder.  
    He will bring up other girls in his life and exes to try to make you jealous and make you feel threatened.  He will even threaten to call them or message them.  By making you jealous and threatened, you will again think your relationship is at risk.  So, you will stop calling him on the red flags you see and try to work harder to gain his approval.

    He takes and posts pictures that you will think are for you.  While they might be, they are also for MANY others.  The pictures are typically also used as proof that he isn’t up to the bad things that you are certain he is doing.  The pictures will be taken very close up and will not show the other person that is actually there with him.  He will also send the same pictures and selfies to the numerous girls he is in a relationship with, dating, screwing or friends with benefits with.

    He is very careful with his phone.  Paranoid about it really.  He may share his password with you, but it is to build a false sense of trust.  He archives everything, so if you do get a chance to look, check the archives.

    He stalks and obsesses over his exes.  Especially if they walked away from him.

    He expects you on-call and available 24 hours a day and gets mad if you don’t respond immediately.  However, he can respond whenever the he feels like it.  Hours or days later.

    He hates making plans, because he is juggling so many women and their schedules.  His anxiety and OCD about timelines have nothing to do with either condition.  It is because he has so many women stacked back to back.  Let’s hope you aren’t the last time slot.

    He will tell you to act like an adult and be a big girl if you won’t engage in an argument with him.  The argument will be over something absolutely stupid and he will be more than unreasonable about it.  

    Speaking of arguments, he will often create a huge argument because he has plans with someone else, later that day or the next day.  He knows if you are mad and not talking, he can see someone else without fear of being caught.  If he does get caught, he will say, we were in an argument and that makes it ok from his point of view.  

    He won’t get a nightstand or shelf for the spare side because he doesn’t want the many girls in his life getting comfortable.  Also, very impressive that he is a 43 year old man who still has a mattress on the floor and no headboard.

    He will capture and gather evidence early to use against you as threats at a later date.  He will give you confessions to put you at ease and for you to share your sensitive stories.  He will learn your vulnerabilities early and will constantly use these against you to trigger you into a reaction and to also lower your self-confidence.  He will compare you to others to try and make you feel you are in a competition with other women.  

    He will gaslight you so badly, you will think you are crazy and doubt yourself.

    His crying is not real.  He can turn on tears on demand.  More manipulation.

    He will minimize the nature of his relationships, past and present.  He will say he isn’t dating or never dated them and it didn’t mean anything.  However, that is not what he is telling the other person or people.  He firmly believes that if you never had the “be my girlfriend” conversation, you aren’t anything to each other.  You could have been together for years.  It gives him the greenlight to have sex with many others.  But then again, even if you have had that conversation and you are his girlfriend, he will still cheat on you with multiple others.  

    He will tell you the same things over and over and over.  This is because he has so many people on the go, he can’t remember who he told what to.

    Do not give him a key to your place. He used one of the girls places to bring many girls to. I will let your imagination work out why and what happened there.

    Because he hates condoms, when you ask if he is having sex with anyone else, he will lie and say no.  The truth, he is having unprotected sex with MANY others.  This is “Uninformed Consent” ladies and he can be charged and prosecuted.  
    He prefers face-down sex to avoid intimacy.

    He likes to play the Hero so will bail on you if someone is in need.  This just contributes to his over-inflated ego.

    If he lowers his voice, he is lying.  Actually just assume if he is talking, he is lying.  He will lie about little things that have no consequence to anything.  He believes he can make anyone believe anything by the detail he puts into a story or a lie.  The more outrageous the better.  He will say, I couldn’t even make this up, to make it more believable.

    He uses his friends as alibis.  Although, now that he has so few friends left, this may not be an issue any longer.

    Look for hairs, there are different colors everywhere.

    There is not a female in his life that he hasn’t had sex with.  So when he tells you “she is a friend,” he is lying.  Once again, if he is talking, just assume he is lying.

    He doesn’t buy anything or go anywhere.  So be cautious about both of these.  If he has new things, they came from a girl and not his Mom, which he will often tell you.

    If you attempt to post anything about him, he will make you take it down.  You are not permitted to make any comments on his posts.  Although, if he posts, the comments are usually turned off, just in case.  This is why he also only posts stories.  If he tells you a story is for you, it is also for many others.  There are always hidden messages in these posts.

    His anxiety, his need to decompress, his Sundays are also just more covers because he has plans with others.

    He will instill his necessity for naps very early on in the grooming process.  His naps are mostly not naps, but again just another cover because he has plans with others.

    Every single person ends up in a trauma bond with him.  One woman has been doing this for 7 years.  He is THAT good with the lies and manipulation.

    When you finally leave, he will tell you he is going to change, to get help.  Not likely.  He actually believes that there is nothing wrong with him, it is everyone else that has problems.  This is a classic Narcissist trait.

    He will tell you he doesn’t like you to be mad at him and he never wants to be the person that put that look on your face.  This is just more manipulation.  He doesn’t care if you are mad at him, he just wants what you provide him and that is supply.

    He will tell you all of his exes are crazy.  Make note of the only common denominator and that is him.

    He will take advantage of you in every way, shape and form.

    He will be crazy jealous of anyone you have been with in the past and will constantly bring it up to you.  It could be someone from High School, many years ago. Keep in mind, that while he is doing this to you, he is having sex with multiple others.

    He is unkind to animals, although he will portray himself as an animal lover to look soft and sensitive.    
    If you are contemplating a relationship with this man; you better do some research on these terms in relation to Narcissism.  He uses them all.  Projection, Triangulation, Dog-Whistling, Baiting, Gas lighting, Love Bombing, Hoovering, Mirroring, Scapegoating, Flying Monkeys, Idealization, Denial, Deflection, Devaluation, Discarding, Invalidation, Boundaries, Hypervigilance, Gray Rocking, Trauma Bond, Supply, Jealousy, Manipulation, No Contact, Competition, Reaction and Smear Campaign.

    There are many resources online.  Instagram and TikTok have an abundance of resources.

    He thinks he is a unicorn.  He will actually tell you that.  Well, he is a unicorn but not of the magical kind.  He is a monster.  

    Natasha, thank you for posting this all of those years ago.  I wish I had believed it when I read it the first time (2 plus years ago) and not bought into his crap about you being “crazy.”  He is just so convincing, a true pro.  It looks like your life has turned out beautifully and I couldn’t be happier for you.  I ask every woman who reads these posts or has posted a comment on Natasha’s blog post, to support her small, local business.  Follow her, subscribe to her blog and order her amazing clothing.  We wouldn’t have this forum without her and I feel it is important to warn others.  
    Pay attention and act on the many red flags you will receive.  Do NOT ignore them.  Say “hard pass” to this monster.

  15. Same old Tricks says:

    Scary that these comments are a blue print for how he treated me. Must add he stalks me still on social media and I’ve seen him with a lot of fat women lately around town. His standards must have lowered.

  16. The neighbor says:

    I think I’m one of the only ones (from this last round of girls) who has yet to “personally” post on Natasha’s blog.

    Natasha – thank you for this!!!

    My situation was slightly different than some of the others, but still very similar in many ways.

    First off, I am SO proud of every victim that has posted on this blog. It is very difficult to come to terms with how preposterous this whole situation is and how sick. It is healing though to get it all out in an attempt to warn others.

    His main go-to is to tell the other girls in his life how crazy the others are. I am fully aware of the lies he is currently telling others about me in his smear campaign. I know who I am and those who know me, know these lies are absolutely ridiculous.

    I am honest, genuine, generous, empathic, loving and an overall kind soul. Much like the other girls.

    I am not crazy, far from it, although he did often have me thinking I was crazy. Now that he is no longer in my life, I can see it all. The lies, the manipulations, the gaslighting, the projection, the triangulation, all of it.

    He is still doing it to 2 of the girls. Possibly more. He is completely playing them against each other, in manipulating ways and blatantly lying to both of them.

    They will get there and I firmly believe they will get to the point of finally removing him and his lies from their lives for good and begin the journey of healing. It is a long one.

    Every single thing that has been written on this blog is absolutely true.

    Do not let him manipulate you into thinking we are crazy, jealous, vindictive, hurt, enraged or any other ridiculous bullshit story or lie he comes up with.

    While Kevin and I hadn’t been sexually involved (thank fuck, since his dick is so dirty) since July of last year and never “dated” – his words and tells the others and me that he shot me down many times (gaslighting), I was probably the person who spent the most time (over the past 2+ years) with him, until this hell all broke loose. Let me be clear, after many months of bliss, he informed me he couldn’t date me because I lived too close. Now. I know why. He did keep breadcrumbing me for much longer than I ever should have allowed. That’s on me and I’m in intense therapy to work through it.

    He is narcissistic and a mastermind of manipulation that my therapist says is highly rare and unusual.

    I won’t rehash everything that has already been said, but will tell you to listen to your gut and believe in the strong women who have posted here. The red flags that Natasha and others have mentioned are real and should be respected.

    Before all of this, I was just a normal person. I still find it incredulous that I found myself in such a twisted and fucked up situation that is Netflix worthy.

    Out of all of this madness, a group of us girls have became very good friends. We draw support from each other as we heal and encourage each other. Our journeys to healing are all very different. It’s a tough road but we are on it together.

    The early days of discovering everything were very difficult as we started to unravel all of the lies and timelines of everything.

    To discover dates that he had sex with multiple of us on the same day, that gifts we had given him he had given to other girls, the lies he told about where the food we had cooked him came from, the lies about where things we had bought him came from, to find out that he brought girls into my place and was going to fuck other girls in my place, the times he was napping or had fallen asleep but actually one of the other girls were there. It was days upon days of endless, horrific discoveries.

    Here’s the kicker, I’m his neighbor and live 20 feet away from him. This all happened under my nose and I knew only a bit of it. Those other girls were just “friends”.

    My new life involves locked down FB and IG profiles with burner accounts attempting to gain access. I didn’t even know what a burner account was before this. I now have multiple cameras in my place, I have spoken to the police for awareness (since at this point I have no idea what he is capable of and have watched too many episodes of Deadly Dates), I have changed my work hours, I pick my moments of when I leave my place so I hopefully don’t run into him. My skin crawls at the thought of even seeing him. This is life, post Kevin. It’s not so lovely.

    His go-to is threats. He is threatening to tell my new boyfriend I am on Bumble. Ummm, yeah, where did you think I met him. And, yes, the new guy knows all about him. He pounds on my door and hides out of sight of my peephole so I can’t see him and hopefully open the door (I fell for this twice), he has sent messages to me accusing me of spying on him (I’m definitely not, since I literally could give 2 shits about what or who he is doing), he listens at my door (he told me this), he lies and has told me the other girls have said this and that about me and shown him messages of things I haven’t even said or done (triangulation). He accuses me of being a drunk (projection). Again, this is life post-Kevin.

    So, I will put this out there. If you are contemplating involvement with this guy, I live in 902. Come knock on my door (please remain in view of the peephole or I won’t answer it), I will gladly answer any questions and put you in touch with others that can fill you in.

  17. Do better says:

    I’m not one of Kevin’s “women”, but my friend is and she just shared this blog with me. I watched her become a different person while with him. She let him manipulate her, control her and talk down to her. He is a total jackass and I’m blown away that he was doing all this to all these women for so long. It’s disgusting and he’s a monster. He’s 44 years old and portrays himself as single while screwing all these women without protection? Fucking gross.

  18. Stephanie says:

    Omg I’m so sorry. I dated him too, as soon as you said Lemon, I knew who you were talking about. I was from long ago, but I remember his ways like it was yesterday. I knew him in real life, lived in the same survey, reconnected after I divorced on social media. Then he left me for someone else from social media.according to him, we didn’t date, but I had my own collection of K-cups that he took me out to get specifically for me when I’d come spend the night. He’s a manipulative asshole who needs to be brought down to earth. The fact that he’s still pulling this bullshit makes my blood boil. I once said that men who treat their mothers well were someone worth dating, but with him, that was a lie. It was a red flag I missed because be was a mamas boy. There’s a huge difference. I hope that other women see this and stay fucking clear of him.

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